Howlitzer vs Flu

Fortunately, I’ve yet to be hospitalized or placed as one of -those- cases…

But I did happen to luck out and get sick this year!

I was sick since last week, so I’m about 7 days in now. From what I want to believe, I’ll be “fine” in 2 more days, but otherwise, things seem to be alright.

Definitely better than being violently ill like last year.

I’ll be fine, I hope. I’m hoping to wake up and be pretty good today. Hopefully I’ll be happy. The first actual joy. To be not very sick and to only lightly cough.

I wonder how I even got sick… I can’t figure that out. All I remember is having a cough and getting worse before sleeping one day. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was somehow linked to fried rice.



So, we had to delete some stuff on deviant for reasons, though I’m pretty confused because while reading the terms of services, I found at least 3 contradicting entry points.

It’s the type of stuff where if you point it out, they’ll ban you with the dictation of “I’m always right”, so it’s nothing we can really do anything about.

The ironic part is, it’s just a stepping stone and an introduction phase with drawing. It used to be better, last I recall, but the amount of children wanting their OCs everywhere, and furries running amok, it’s kind of tough to see it as any “good”, and that it’ll keep going in a downward spiral where people who pay will generally be in the top no matter what, and they’ll always enjoy luxuries even if they draw terrible stick figures, which confuses me.

We ended up used to Pixiv’s open standards, so it really ends up as, we saw people posting crap stuff, so we judged on the site’s general quality. Isn’t that a bad reflection of the site, to begin with?

Anyways, we didn’t really lose anything much, because it’s pretty minor in it’s own, it’s just funny that they still have archaic beliefs that are equivalent to “Being gay is wrong, but I can’t tell you how, and everyone else who grew up the same way should believe the same”. I still don’t understand how people can be raised to be such things, but eh.

Otherwise, we’re still doing the same old stuff, nothing really changed.

Although it is ironic how much nudes they allow, and the fact they allow nude selfies and whatnot. It’s kind of like.. almost literally, children’s Tumblr. The idea of moderation makes me laugh a bit, because male nudity is practically non-existent, but for females, it’s somehow never seen as sexual, knowing full well that the fact they allow breasts and other-such, which may sound harmless, until you realize the user-base is very childish, and they’re quite literally, teenagers.

I mean, can you honestly tell me people would look up breasts on such a place without wanting it for soft-core porn? A flaccid penis hardly does anything, but breasts, they’re kind of… you know what, why am I bothering? People are stupid. There’s a degree of sexism and segregation here, but people will find it okay.


Just like sheep okaying a bad English dub IE XENOBLADE 2, because it’s “funny” and the fact it’s on YouTube makes it funny/acceptable.

Game integrity, but you know what, we don’t need that.

Because Tokyo Xanadu with Aksys’ “translation” was good. The game wasn’t bad and it’s story was as it was, it presented itself as an anime-format, quite literally, an anime game, complete with openings every episode/chapter.

Shio constantly mentioned balls. In japanese, it can be translated in over 3 ways. Guts is one of them. “You’ve got guts.” Instead, he’ll even go so far as to say testicular fortitude. Yeah, nice job being hyper gay, Aksys.

I want my gay characters as gay, not my straight characters written to be gay in that way. I mean, god, the X.R.C. is Kou’s harem, what the hell, Aksys?

Picking Pieces

So, with that, I’m left with a heavy heart, not knowing what to do or how to handle my current state when it comes down to music, I need to reinstall all my programs… and well.. yeah.

I feel lost, and somewhat alone, but I’ve been reminding myself lately that there’s one person I can’t break for. I need to shape up and change everything for his sake, and my sake.

Today, I realized a lot when I helped someone. Their motor chair, one of them scooters for disabled people, ended up with a dead battery, and he stopped me and asked if I could help him, I agreed because, that’s the right thing to do. This family/household is self-centered and selfish, full of narcs who think they’re right.

Well, the human thing to do is help others, not ones’ self.

As heavy as the chair was, and the fact I was basically shoving what may be at least a 200lb combined total, was pretty tough. I’m definitely not weak, and my biggest issue was steering. Any wrong turn would be VERY bad, as we’re on the sidewalk.

I was a little tired afterwards because, I had to keep doing pushes whenever the slightest bump came up, and the toughest part was fitting him between the car and the power outlet.

The story behind that is, he found a guy who’d let him use his power outlet, which was on the side of his house. Of course, the guy I encountered kind of had to cross the street, and he was moving/steering backwards as it was, and well, it was easier to push him forward from behind instead.

I was saved by one of those grass-less areas because I had ended up on the grass, and it was annoying. Fortunately got back on track, and fortunately avoided getting him near any driveway exits. That’d be terrible.

So, yeah. He was very thankful, and I felt thankful in all honesty.

That there are other people out there who are still human. People who still have emotions, and a will, people who don’t need to rely on the internet/YouTube for help.

I’m happy to have had a chance to help someone, because I generally don’t. It felt good, because, you never know what kind of difference you’ve made in life. Be nice to someone, and who knows what’ll happen. Maybe he got to a place in time, or perhaps, maybe he’d even be able to get home rather than being stuck on the road until someone passes? Hell, what if he would’ve wound up in traffic if otherwise?

I’ll never know what I actually did, but the fact is, someone was helped, and because they were helped, they could resume their life.

This “family” will never know nor care of that.

They didn’t even let me take a cat in to take care of it. In fact, what they did was laugh it off, and turns out that cat followed us completely, we ended up getting it to an animal shelter through conditions and luck. I’m happy to have helped it in some form/way. I still remember the box I carried, we put it in, and I took off my jacket and covered it, it was cold, I think it was a similar time, September of last year? two years ago? I forget.

I mean, it was probably the warmest sleep it was able to get. It had a home, and it went missing from that home. The only sad part is, we never got to learn of it’s fate, and for all we know, it could’ve wound up in an even worse place.

Every time I think about these things, I think about what it means to be a person, to be human.

I think about what I “need” to do, and weigh it to what these people would do.

Someone breaks into a car, chances are, the people here would watch it and ignore it, unless they’re the victim.

On top of that..

For the past two days, it’s been nothing but road rage/rage, anger issues.

I’m at my breaking point. You want attitude, I’ll give you sliced throats, I’m so fucking sick of it. I grew up often hit, on top of many other things. I had to put up with an angsty retard, actually, tw.. no..

Actually, yeah…

I realized that I had to put up with a lot of rage issues, the reason I am the way I am, is a byproduct of an unhappy environment.

I want to laugh realizing that.

I lose so much, to the point where I even lost my education..
I need to get a GED somehow, but this household won’t help. Hell, it took me 10 years to get glasses. I needed them in Jr. High. I would’ve passed if I had glasses. I would’ve done a lot in life compared, if I had glasses. I ended up sheltered and broken the way I am because of that negligence, and I do remember what broke me as a teen.

I brought it up that my mom cared more about school than she did about me, and she admitted it. It was so bad that I had to contemplate on drugs/drinking/suicide.

Am I better off now? Well, I cheated my way out of the system, which cut any nags at school, ultimately making them give up on me. So, I guess, no, not really. I lost much, and it hurts. I feel inabilities everywhere.

But.. I digress..

I do my best because I need to. Why do I need to? I’m not alone, that’s why.

I’ve lost so much data, so many memories, so much proof that I even lived, so many experiences gone. Now, I’ve even lost what I was passionate about and truly desired to finish?

I can’t believe that. I have to laugh at it. It’s stuff that somehow happened, it was supposed to be impossible, but it happened.

My only reason for sanity is the one I call my boy, and as we know, family isn’t what one chooses, I mean, I once had a short spurt of viewing him as a brother, but then, stuff happened.


I am still confused on how I’m always playing games. I mean, I was reading up and learning JPLN5 kanji, and almost have it all down. It’s only 70-something kanji, worthless but has great value. while “he” was “dealing” with my pc, I was reading Japanese, and I wanted to sleep, but wasn’t allowed to earlier, due to the fact I had to put up with his aggravation.

Swears, swears, I try not to swear unless I’m pushed to a point, but I’ve literally had to grow up hearing that very same retard spout them because he gets angry when he plays games.

I play arcade games and arcade based games on occasion, compared to what a PS4 has to offer, I’m the one who should be getting mad over coin eaters, not something stupidly fixable. You can’t “git gud” in arcade games, emulation gives us infinite coins, but it feels good to conquer something with the least amount as possible.


I’ve got to finally let it all go and move forward. I wonder if I can learn to drive some time soon. I’d love to go to the beach or even rent out a cheap motel room somewhere and just have a relaxing get-away. 100% silence with no one around. We’d be able to do anything we want, and get a taste of the future every once in a while. We both have toxic situations, and we really need to do something about it.

However… after today… I’ll have to put everything on pause and take it one step at a time, I feel like a cripple. Hopefully I can start all over without a hitch…

From zero, once again… in a record time. I will never let anyone else near this PC, ever again. I’m tired of being denied anything and everything because I wasn’t looking, thus allowing the retard to do as he pleased.

I’m tired of loss. It’s time to pull in some wins.


So, the PS3’s latest exploit is out, after many years. The PS3 had a good run with many amazing games, and the ironic timing of this exploit is that the PS3 is starting to dwindle in terms of content and then some; it’s already out of production.

“Sony has formally ended production of thePlayStation 3 in Japan, according to PlayStation’s official page (in Japanese, as seen by Gematsu). … The PS3 memorably launched in November 2006 for the price of $499 for a 20 GB console and $599 for the 60 GB configuration.”

Currently, I’m debating on what to do ONCE we get to the hacking process, but I have to do a good few hours of research on what to get, and how to get it. We can even record videos! (more…)

PS2 Memories & More

With the PS3 having CFW on 4.81 and 4.82, I can now do whatever I wish… play almost any games, from older, to newer. Of course, I’m wanting to go to the past with it….
So…. these feelings of an open world, where I don’t need to buy DLC where SEGA would profit from it… I am NOT buying 2006’s DLC.

This reminds me of the PS2 and how I was dying to get a swap magic, and waited patiently and did hours and hours, days and days, and a good month of saving up allowances, up until I could ask a brother to order it and some DVDs. There were dozens and dozens of games I wanted to try, and I gained that option/freedom, it felt amazing.

I had often bought games from GameStop, but an incident involving a retard left me with only 3 games, as he claims to have “purchased” the remaining games, he stole them when I re-claimed the PS2 itself.

I remember clearly, how the events played out. (more…)

Musically Motivated!

So, Sonic Forces’ music disappointed me with it’s over-synth nature and the obsessive need to have “retro” music for classic Sonic despite it being perfectly fine in Generations. Plus there’s a shared synth that’s everywhere. The main theme’s not bad…

But, then, I got hold of music from Mario Odyssey. I don’t have a Switch, but the music of Odyssey makes me want a Switch, because I love nothing more than idling in a game because of it’s music, and on top of that, I also love roaming around a world, thinking of the people who made the game/etc. Someone had to make the area I’m standing on, and it’s beautiful, what was their emotion when completing it? Etc, etc.

It reminds me of when I first got the Sonic Colors soundtrack, and listened to that obsessively when it first came out, Tropical Resort being my favorite. Super Mario Odyssey’s music is pretty much Colors/Unleashed/Adventure.

Apparently Forces does have an actual piano theme, but it’s located as…. Theater. Yay.

Anyways, I ended up practicing and completing and copying down the notes for the 8-bit version of the Honeylune Ridge Escape song, which quickly became one of my favorites.
Mario getting more songs with lyrics would be nice, and having them is amazing, because it feels… right. Plus, unlike Sonic, we had a relevant character sing. A character’s voice actually sang, isn’t that cool?!

I actually got most of the main melody of the 8-bit down, so my practice is paying off!
I’m learning slowly, step by step. On top of that, the songs themselves make me think about it and wonder… where do I want to go, what do I want to do? There’s so many different answers, I feel motivated and have been using Super Mario Odyssey’s soundtrack to boost that motivation. I just can’t help but feel good.


Thus far

So, up to now, not much has happened. My PC keeps giving problems.

Chances are, we now need thermal paste for this crap box.
Everything’s been pretty difficult since Smokey’s passing, unironically almost none of which had to actually deal with him itself, in fact, it’s laughable. Two people over there are unaffected because they don’t care about anyone that isn’t them. You get a fake cat lover, and someone who can’t give a damn about cats unless it’s either her personal cat, or if she’s the one giving it attention.

That aside, chalking up all my mobage statuses.
Granblue Fantasy – zero.
Zero no Sho – I rerolled because I wanted the new dragon man they introduced. Ragiesu, I believe. I can see why romanizing is such a bitch. I mean, really.
Tales of a ray –  NADA.
Fate/Grand Order – NADA. Only.. NOTHING!
Fate/Grand Order JP – I just started, and already, nada. Crap rolls, oh my god.

I still feel sad that I don’t quite have the phone space for Omnia Opera anymore, at least, not currently, plus it’s kind of tedious to progress in. It’s quite fun to play with other people, because it has a 3P multiplayer mode, you can have a minimum of 2 people playing together, so it’s great with a friend if you’re being random.

On my boy’s end…
Granblue Fantasy – every 2 weeks, it feels like he gets a SSR.
Tales of ray – ??? I mean, I guess getting a lot of Tear stuff, his technical favorite waifu, counts. The event’s over now, so that’s sad.
FGO – Jeanne. He didn’t want Jeanne.
FGO JP – He keeps getting his waifus. I mean, really, they are characters he really likes, and wanted. And none of them are 5*.

In MMO status.
Elsword – We’re revisiting it, but KoG pulled another BS move. Voice mods are affected heavily, especially with their 3rd job coming up. Currently, Ain’s data is now a V4. KoG Team MASSFILE V.04 – I can’t find any bypasses, work-arounds, or decryptors. Old voice files still work, the game will still process V.03 files. So, this becomes problematic when they add new stuff. Fortunately, not too big of a deal, except they completely moved SFX, which used to be stored in data069.kom, which is ALSO V.04

So, it’s pretty bad to have fun with it, the English dub sucks worse than their initial April Fool’s joke, the sound/audio is poorly done, they even dropped Eve’s processing, can’t even keep a standard, huh, KoG?

In Mabinogi, things are going way too well, I’m making gold pretty easily because I keep getting good gold making things, and on top of that, we have so much Saga abuse. Every EP10 clear is 30k, multiple by – AT LEAST – 10 characters minimum, across our two accounts. That’s a minimum of 300k x 2, 600k a day. Bank fees can be covered on either Wednesday, or by using an extra 2 characters, depending. Gold bags also end up as a personal refund of 4,900 gold per. I have much to buy, still. I’m such a fashion whore. Also working on getting us both Dan skills, which is a pain. Firebolt was a bitch to clear.

We haven’t touched PSO2 or LaTale in a while.

Aside that, it’s mostly been.. I dunno, combined with drawing, and I had a little music fun here and there.

Plus, we have an actual copy of Tales of Destiny : Director’s Cut, now. Fresh from Japan, apparently! It’s the premium box, too! The glorious art book!

We also plan to attempt to go through Zestiria and finish up Berseria… but they’re both god-awful boring… The progression in both is also somewhat identical, which is disappointing…

I also looked into voice files for certain games, like Fairy Fencer, and PC Cold Steel. I don’t think we’re going to buy this third version, but it has additional clips that are marvelous. Besides, if they make a new PS4 version, I’m hoping it’d be identical to the currently superior PC version. I have VERY BAD MEMORIES with PCs, okay?!

Also have Extella extracted. I feel bad for pirating for files for personal fun. You’d think I’d actually play what I download. Well, a damn shame.

Anyways, I still have many files to sort out, many voice clips to extract, lots of things to delete, but, so far, my drive recovery has had some decent progress. I’m happy I didn’t lose my Rockman music collection, though, or the whole Eiyuu Densetsu 6 to 8 stuff. The evolution discs are a pain, but less of a pain than the original games!

That about sums up every little thing we’ve been doing.

I also need to finish Ys VIII, which I find amazing, and far more fun than anything I’ve played on a computer recently. To top that off, I can honestly say, the PS4 and Vita have so many differences, that it’s a nice experience to even go through both, if you like Adol and his adventures, anyways.

Rest in Peace (Side – Howlitzer)


9/23/2017, 8:00 AM – Now Resting in Peace. ???? ~ 2017

This is a tale of what I know about a magnificent loyal animal that died recently.
Perhaps it was from old age, perhaps it was from poisoning, perhaps it was from other causes.
Regardless, he’s gone.
There may or may not be a Side – Grimmelkin, it’s up to him, really.
I just wanted to share my thoughts on our plot of land here.

Originally, I wanted to put this off for Monday or somethin’, to reminisce…
But, I’ve decided to do it now because I’ve got to go through with quite a few plans for the time being. I’m behind in everything, and on top of that, my boy needs a break.
That cat was more or less, his cat, and well, it’s like we both lost a friend.
There’s no time for pain and grief just yet, but at the same time, I can’t feel sad, I only have happy memories.

This cat is dubbed Smokey, also spelled as Smokie.
This isn’t an ordinary cat, and I can’t say anyone even owned this cat.
I only knew this cat by chance, to begin with, but I feel sad because I saw it often, compared to my boy, who lived with this dear old cat for most of his life up to now. From his elementary days to now, actually. That cat saw him from Elementary up until he graduated High School!

He died, mostly in peace, but from what I’m told, the previous few days, he meowed almost as if he was in pain, or perhaps wanting attention. I know not, but it was the sounds I heard over Skype, if only for a few days… I saw the cat previously before that, and he seemed to be doing fine, with the exception that he didn’t quite eat as of late.

We know this cat’s been around, and he was in his 20’s when he passed. We estimate him to be about 24~26, give or take. Which would make him 199? ~ 2017.


Howlitzer Status

Okay, so here’s how it’s been for the past week.

Last week – PC crashed. I had to do a lot of research into the problem, and the incident started due to my slowly rotting power supply.

I asked the idiot that built this PC to replace it, but as you know, that never works out to what I want. Of course, I’ve been having occasional shutdowns forever.


So, here’s what I ended up doing to resolve it. We tried reverse-cloning, apparently that didn’t work anyways.

I ended up finding out it’s a common permissions problem, because chkdsk rewrote permissions. Of course, any data corrupted to begin with would happen due to sudden shut-offs.

I’m risking my data but I backed up almost everything important to me, fortunately.

However, I’m worried of using my third drive since  if I’m super, super unlucky, a dying power supply can fry everything.

However, I’m probably going to continue onward anyways.


Last Wednesday, it went down, we double checked the hard drive health over the following 4 days, on Monday I asked/brought up my PC, of course my woes were unheard. I’ll bring that up later, for now, I’m much too happy and much too tired.
I’ve also began YS VIII VITA and feel choppy after enjoying YS VIII PS4 for a short time.
I may go back to Celceta and actually finish that, though. I don’t want to get too used to Ys VIII’s mechanics.

So, for now, I’m pretty happy things are back the way they were last week.

I have no idea what else to say/feel/think. I actually need to sleep, I’ve been lacking it since I’ve been worried over this hard drive. It’s a long story and has value.

I’m how many weeks behind schedule?!

I really need to get back into the spirit of things!

I shouldn’t even be having blank periods, so while everything is as it is, I’ll try to get myself back into gear and get a drawing done.